The Lost Year
These days I find myself having a lot of squirrel moments
– as the fear and worry over school, the virus, movements, the presidential race, quarantine….. The list goes on. But, when I saw the facebook meme that said “The Lost Year” with ways to cope with all this lost time, I felt an internal response. A “Not for me” kind of reaction.
When I get to 2030, I don’t want to just say “remember that one year….” At this point, I don’t know what is in store for us any year. But, then again, did I ever?
There is something about looking at a decade of your life, in reflection over the past one, and in envisioning – your hopes and dreams for the next one that is powerful. And wise. And, can either bog us down so much that we have a cluster of lost years, or we weave the good, bad, and ugly into a beautiful tapestry known as time.
This week I reached the milestone of 10 years post weight loss surgery. That was one of the biggest decisions I have made – with so many things factored in. In the moment, it felt like a personal pandemic. I wanted so badly to stop the yo-yo dieting, the body hate, the missing out on fun because I felt too big, being tired chasing my kids… the list goes on. On the other hand, I knew it would change my life forever. I was literally changing my body to change my body.
Back then I was thinking more of the body changes, not the emotional, mental health, and soul changes. I have the gift of time and reflection to know that it is SO MUCH MORE these things than the physical.
We don’t know what we don’t know – until we go for it.
I had to allow myself to envision life and how I would be years later. I remember journaling, making a list of how life would be different. I can say that the majority of the list happened in the last decade. The confidence alone. And, my disordered eating is within normal limits – I say that with a smile- as I don’t think about food and dieting and the next sugar fix anymore.
What isn’t the way I thought it would be is my size. For the first half of the decade I really loved my size – I mostly didn’t feel like the fat girl anymore. I loved buying clothes. After my gallbladder took a dump and habits relaxed…. I have had regain. I have not moved as much. And- the strangest thing also happened: I don’t even care 80% of the time. As in, I don’t have the same thought loops, the same old coping skills…. Simply put, I accept myself and know where I want to tweek and shift life- from a place of grace and love NOT shame.
So, while I am a work in progress, my size doesn’t make me who I really am. Sweet freedom!
I could probably write a book about how I have shifted my emotional and mental health alone over the last decade. Hence, I love personal development for me and my amazing clients.
When we step out of the shitty moments and fly above – and look at the panoramic view of the last 10 years we can see it for what it is: Special. All the moments needed to make up the whole. The list would be long for all of us. I encourage anyone to make a list of what worked over the last 3 months – imagine a whole decade.
I refuse to call this the lost year. Or any year. We don’t get our moments back just because the world is spinning… it is and will anyway. Cheers to the next 10 years.
