Living With Your Inner Critic: Naming and Healing Her
Your inner critic is a powerful voice. If you haven’t done a lot of work to actually talk to her and name her, it’s hard to hear anything but harsh, negative feedback. It doesn’t have to be this way, though, and naming and healing your inner critic can help you begin the process of coming back to yourself and your inner wisdom.
Throughout this post, I’ll refer to the inner critic as “she” or “her,” though please add the personal pronoun or name that you associate with the inner critic. She may also be known as self-doubt or imposter syndrome, so think about that as you’re reading this post, too.
Why It’s Important to Discover and Talk Directly to Your Inner Critic
Your inner critic is impacting your ability to hold boundaries and step up into your full, radiant power. She impacts us, our ability to show up in our life and community. And naturally, she usually comes up when we approach a new level — we want to grow and expand, but we doubt our abilities and the inner critic can be very harsh about our actions.
When we show up in this way, we tend to look outside of ourselves for the answers. We waste a lot of time, money, and energy trying to “figure out” what we know deep down inside. Been there, done that!
As it’s been said, the only thing to fear is fear itself. When you name her and speak directly to your inner critic, you start to get to know her and shed light on her. In doing so, you’re taking away some of the scariness because you’re removing the fear of the unknown, the fear of not knowing what’s around the corner.
5 Steps to Begin to Heal Your Inner Critic
This is just the beginning and one part of the tapestry, but these simple steps can help you uncover and start to heal your inner critic so you can move forward with the confidence of your inner guidance.
1. What is the inner critic to you?
I’ll give you an example from my own life. When the inner critic comes in, she usually convinces me that I don’t have what it takes. I doubt whether I can actually do this. Like, “Can I really raise these kids?” or “Can I really help these women?
I’m sure you know this voice, too. She isn’t helpful and really sabotages you! Take a moment to think about your inner critic and how she shows up. Awareness is an important step! Remember, shedding light to know who your inner critic is will remove some of her power right away.
2. Who is that voice?
Your inner critic is not you. It’s just a voice that sounds a lot like you. So instead of believing, “I’m not fun” or “I’ll never figure this out,” see the inner critic for who she really is. Give her a different name to differentiate her from you.
Now, write down some fears you have about yourself, then remove the “I” statement and replace it with your inner critic’s name. For example: instead of “I’ll never figure this out,” write down, “[My inner critic] thinks I’ll never figure this out.”
3. Why is she here?
Like I said, the inner critic usually comes up when we want to step up. Ask yourself why your inner critic is here. Why is she feeding you that you don’t have the value, ability, etc. Get curious.
If you notice that you’re feeling tender after you wrote down why your inner critic is here, pause for a moment before moving onto the next step. We don’t want a spiral to happen! Do what you need to do to approach this next step calmly and rationally.
4. Challenge the Inner Critic
Now it’s time to challenge your inner critic. Rationally and calmly examine the reason(s) why your inner critic is here and if her beliefs are capital-T truths about you.
If your inner critic thinks you’ll never figure this out, challenge that. Write down all the times when you did figure something out. For all of these statements, write as many challenges that you can think of. Point out your strengths like you would talk to a friend.
5. Change Your Behavior
Awareness is great, but now we have to do something! The process of coming back to your inner wisdom can be tiring, especially if this is a new technique for you. That said, it’s essential to remember that you are not your inner critic — so you can begin to shift your thoughts and beliefs away from what she tells you. The more you stand in your convictions and ignore her, the quieter she’ll become!
Of course, there are many layers to this tapestry, but if we try to isolate this thread, you can deep dive into how to shift from believing and living with her to stepping into your power. The good news is, if you’re acknowledging that you have an inner critic, you’re ready and equipped to move forward.
You're no longer in denial or ignoring your inner critic. Instead, you have awareness and are on that step of the journey toward self-confidence. You’re ready to be the leader because you trust yourself and what your inner wisdom is telling you.
I believe in you! And if you need help releasing your inner critic, I’m here for you!
